We’ve all come across difficult people in our workplace and typically, we’ve found that the “safest” way to deal with them is to ignore them. However, by ignoring the difficult behaviors of our team members, we are by default condoning their poor behaviors. We are passively accepting their bad behaviors. As professionals, as leaders, we need to stop condoning their behaviors if we want our team members to stop behaving badly. So what do we do? Interact with them assertively.
Most difficult employee behaviors, from “sherman tank-like” to “clam-like” behaviors, can be addressed and minimized. Just keep in mind that you have to stay calm and interact with these individuals in ways that clearly indicate to them, their current behaviors don’t effect you as they do others. You’re not intimidated by them nor are you frustrated by them. You simply won’t get sucked in to them or condone them. You expect all of your team members to behave as professionals. Bullying or clamming up are not options.
Let me share some examples of dealing with difficult people.
Working With a “Sherman Tank”
Let’s say you have someone who is a “sherman tank”. This person is loud, obnoxious, and highly domineering. Why does he act this way? Because by doing so in the past, he’s probably had most people back away from him and have let him plow forward getting his way. He’s highly competitive and he’s aggressive. That’s fine, but it doesn’t work well over the long-term when he has to work as part of a team. So, as the manager, you need to do something. Ignoring it isn’t an option. That’s condoning it. Becoming equally aggressive isn’t an option, because that will simply cause arguments to ensue and other team members to sit back and pick sides as to who is going to “win.” So try the assertive approve. When the sherman tank blows and blusters, you simply remain calm, look him in the eyes, ask him to calmly tell you what the issues are and then talk to him about the specific issues he’s blustering about. When you don’t cower or become angry, within a relatively short period of time, he will realize you’re not responding in a fashion he’s accustomed to. It’ll confuse him and he’ll calm down. My caveat to this is that I do not tolerate anyone swearing at me. If that happens, I tell the person to stop and come talk with me in ten minutes when they’ve calmed down and can speak to me without swearing. Then I walk away. When they come back, we don’t discuss their language, simply the issue they were blustering about.
Working With a “Clam”
If you have someone on the other end of the difficult behaviors spectrum, someone who refuses to speak up – a “clam” – don’t ignore this team member or accept this behavior. Typically clams have learned this passive-aggressive behavior as a way to get out of participating. So, here’s what I suggest. Make it clear to all of your team members you expect each of them to contribute and share their ideas, input, and status updates regularly. Then pull the entire team together and ask for input from a team member who you know will participate. Do it again with another team member who will share information. Then ask your “clam” for input. Now, here’s the tricky part, once you ask for your clam’s input, simply look at her and wait. Look at her with genuine interest. She’ll typically say something along the lines of, “I don’t know.” or “I don’t have anything.” This response has historically earned her a pass, but no more. Simply say, “Take 30 seconds to gather your thoughts, we’ll wait.” Then again, calmly sit and look at her. It will take no more than three-five seconds and she’ll say something. Whatever she says, go with it. But let her and everyone know, going forward everyone needs to come prepared and share. You’ve been professional and you’ve been assertive. Here’s why this works: human beings can not stand silence. Asking for her input and then waiting 3-5 seconds while you honestly look at her for input just once sends a clear message to her and the rest of the team that participation is expected. You weren’t mean. You weren’t disrespectful. You were simply asking for her to contribute what she is supposed to share and you waited for her to gather her thoughts. That’s your way of simply making your expectations for participation very clear. There will be very few people who come to your next team meeting unprepared. They all got the message.
Remember, your purpose for addressing these “difficult people” is to make them aware their difficult behaviors are no longer acceptable. That’s your job. So stay calm and give it a try.
Be assertive. Be a manager. Be a leader.
Copyright MCMXC – Liz Weber, CMC, CSP – Weber Business Services, LLC – www.WBSLLC.com +1.717.597.8890
Liz supports clients with strategic and succession planning, as well as leadership training and executive coaching. Learn more about how to deal with difficult people from Liz on LinkedIn!
